Brandi says I can go out for 7 pm friday. That should be good. I haven't been out in ages - I can't wait.

Chasing Emi....

Emily decided she was going to run away. She peeked at the barbie toys after being told not to touch them. Of course she started pouting cause she didn't get her way. When we got back to the house she stomped up and down the street trying to manipulate me I guess.

After dinner, she was eating ice cream for dessert and started balling when she dropped the top off her cone. No big deal, I had more ice cream.

Then, when she was supposed to be brushing her teeth she sprayed body spray into her sisters eyes.

I can't wait for kindergarten to start.

When I got back from the market. Lo and behold the house was cleaner than when i left. JIm actually cleaned. He vaccuumed, did a few dishes, polished the sink! I was shocked, to say the least.

I upgraded yahoo and the pop up blocker or some part of the extras was making my computer hang. i took out yahoo extras from my programs.

I feel better today than I have for a while. My stress test is tomorrow so i am fasting for twelve hours- whoopee.

Brandi is with me of course. I took her to fill out an application for gold's gym. I am thinking of joining the ymca. That would be convenient. Unless brandi gets the job and gets me a free pass to the gym.

Food journal
dinner

Italian style spinach and garlic
cannelini beans and garlic

Dessert
1/4 cookies and cream ice cream

Snack
tall glass of V8

I need to drink more water. I am not drinking enough.

I went food shopping today, jim gave me his card and said to spend a hundred dollars. Of course I went to the thrift store first. After picking up Brandi that is, lol.
We took advantage of the $3 a bag on wednesdays deal. Most of it was for Brandi, a couple of cute things for didi, some adorable baby clothes for Tammy, and a very nice, although fancy - cream colored tank top, from Liz Claiborne for me. Oh and a patriots shirt for jim.

I also found a deal on diapers. Pampers 18 packs for 4$. Can't beat that. I bought all of them. About thirty dollars worth. Sure beats mb generic diapers, they don't last. Not worth the money.
I sure wish i had continued pottying the baby. She was being pottied from 5 weeks on. When i broke my leg, that pretty much finished that.

I also bought a bag of Barbie furniture (4$) and an adorable scooby doo ball (2$). Those things are for christmas.

My grocery shopping was uneventful. My list included

Spinach
fat free milk
whole milk
vanilla nut creamer
Tomato sauce
Ravioli x3
cheese
sausage
beef
hot dogs
avocado
low sodium v8 x2
cannelini beans (yummy)
carrots
peas
mushrooms
ice cream - turkey hill black raspberry
tp
eggplant
chicken legs
chicken breasts
hamburg
teriyaki sauce
pasta bow ties
mac and cheese x2
potato stix x3
thin crust cheese pizza
go gurt
carb clever yogurt drinks for me
cherry pom juice
3 plouts - lol
2 oranges
oatmeal for women
chex cereal


Brandi's list included

pepsi
pringles
ritz crackers
honey dipped donuts
feta cheese
honey ham
ranch dressing

Go figure

Another day
Another food log

For breakfast
2 eggs
1.5 slices wheat bread
coffee

Snack
6 oz cherry Pomegranate juice

Lunch 3 p
One wrap
with two slices roast beef
one slice alpine lace swiss cheese
a few slices off a beautiful mushroom
with salsa for dipping
and a slice of california avocado

Glass of water

Ok, so -

Snack -
one slice of bread with bologna
i ATE CAUSE THE GIRLS WERE EATING---- BAD BAD

Dinner

1/4 cup of pasta wonder
1/4 cup cannelini beans and garlic
1/2 cup mustard greens


That was good but my breath is kicking!

Life is good.

Ok, so i made an incredible meal out of nothing it seems.

We didn't have any loose meat so i defrosted some burgers,
cooked it with sauteed peppers, onions, eggplant.

Then added a can of tomato soup, with a can of crushed tomatoes,
some ketchup, and a can of corn.

Mixed it with some capellin pasta, and voila - yum yum

Have to go figure out whymy phone is going straight to voicemail.

HEY DARREN, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS BLOG? weird if you ask me- written in code? or what?

http://jackassembezzle.blogspot.com/

Emily had her screening at kindergarten today. She did very well.
I took her out for a happy meal afterward and i had a small fry for breakfast. So nutritious. A lil acrylamide here and there, lol.

My baby is going to kindergarten. The PTO mom said "It's so sad" I don't think so........ YEEHAA! HEHEHEHE

Food diary 8-30-05

Coffee x 2
small fry
one nugget

Lunch
One slice white bread
1/4 cup of scrambled eggs and onion, pepper and mushroom
half a slice of swiss cheese
slice of roast beef


Ok, so what shall I cook for dinner....
I think I will make cannelini beans cooked in olive oil with toasted garlic
I don't know what I have for meat. I have broccoli, some eggplant I need to use,
maybe i will go vegetarian today.
(just for the day)

Looks to me like New Orleans or N`orleans will never be the same. I saw a clip of a man who was walking around. He had a very thick accent, could hardly understand him. He sounded like he might burst into tears at any moment. His house split apart and he doesn't know where his wife's body is. SHe is gone, he said.

It is terribly sad.

Owl's Head - groton State Forest Vermont 

Me at 24 

Ok, so jim and i had our first date on New years eve weekend.
He was flirting with a couple of girls at the same time, and was probly trying to make me jealous. It worked. We talked every night. I can remember when i first met him, telling tammy about how this guy pissed me off, acting like 21 was too young. Even when i first met him he annoyed me.
I am certain we were supposed to meet, where it goes from here, thats what I am uncertain of. I don't think Jim and I are meant to be together forever. I used to think we would retire together and run cross country trips and make some money. Now that doesnt seem likely. Not that I would mind fucking in a truck...........


food diary-

lunch time -
1 peking ravioli -
some leftover lo mein i shared with baby
3 boneless sparibs

snack, one slice of bread with a slice of roast beef

Dinner -
White bread toasted which light mayo
with scrambled eggs, peppers, onions, and mushrooms with a slice of alpine lace cheese.
As a sandwich

Glass of skim milk

Ok, it is monday morning, skunk in the road dead- animal control doesn't work mondays. I didn't get mine. Woke up at 2-ish and was very concerned with the hurricane. Went on La chat and had some interesting conversations. We will see how today goes. SO far muggy- but i least i can hang out the wash. Later folks.

Food Diary

9 am
A bowl of mulitgrain cheerios with skim milk and a cup of coffee.

l

Ok, so it is almost ten pm and a country kitty just ruined my cool breeze. I think i will lay down on the couch while he is asleep and watch tom selleck on channel 4. My downstairs neighbor is doing karate. He is nuts and if he wakes Cassie up I am not gonna be happy.

Learn to live

life goes on,
each moment ticks,
the seconds pass
as life exists.
the only way to truly live
is to be happy and to give.
the things we focus on it seems
can be our hassels or our dreams,
so use your time as though its numbered
and learn to live life unemcumbered.

hello, it's me......... 

So the discussion seemed to go very quickly toward promiscuity 1- being the cause of the increased spread of bedbugs (in addition to travel which makes promiscuity easier) and #2 being the result of more women deciding that they need sex as much as men. I didn't jump on that too much saying i thought there was still a lot of uptight women out there. J is playing his game and said I shouldn't have to cook cause it is too hot. Ok, whatever. Supposedly, I am going to get mine at some point. That is the general idea. Brandi hasn't called me all day, I left her two messages.

Emily is punished for talking back. She is on her bed for the day. She wouldn't stay in the corner.

So needless to say Jim feels I am in the latter category. dog barks diaper ch.

I love this album cover 

Bedbugs are out of control. Leading me to compare modern day to ancient when bedbugs were also out of control. baby crying

Brandi baby  

Brandi Sweet! 

Brandi BRAT! 

edit.

Not sure if I mentioned it but when Jim blamed me for the baby falling down the stairs (cause I blamed him for the computer being there) I flew into a rage and was beaten on him. I told him I wanted to beat him in his ugly face so bad. I lost it, admittedly. All day, he is telling me how I am going get my ass whupped later. Now I said really?
Then Jim said something last night about how I wasn't out of the woods yet. I don't know what he meant. I assumed it was some hidden sexual innuendo. Whatever. I went to bed, he never did. Maybe he meant that my situation is in danger cause - #1 I hit him, and number two - the uncle k song. So this morning, I get up, and am alone.

Jim is sleeping in the chair and tries to convince me that he came to bed. NO. I am not stupid. He mood is horrible and when I mention that he never showed me who is boss, he said I should have thought about that before I had people over. That the house was a mess and I should have been ashamed to have anyone in it. It really wasn't that bad but........ I said well, what about you - you didn't help me clean.

Someone please tell me how to keep up........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Between Emily destroying her closet yesterday, having to clean up poor gold's tank, and fighting with Emily all day to clean her room, I just didn't have the energy God gave a goose. But I did clean and it seems I get no credit for that.

Yesterday Jim insisted that he would help clean the house with me. He wanted to start upstairs but because of the broken dryer he started downstairs instead. He empty out the laundry room of the clean laundry and then went to get the parts. With that unsuccessful errand, he came home and spent 4 hours on my computer, completely ignoring the girls.
I don't think he noticed that I did all the dishes and vacuumed the living room and kitchen. I was online for about 2o minutes and then started dinner. I made quesadillas with sweet onion, portobello mushrooms and peppers. They were delish, even though Jim brought home spinach and sun dried tomato wraps to make them with.

After Jim ate he promptly when upstairs to play on his computer, stating briefly that he might go out for a beer. I said I was maybe going to go out for a drink with Brandi. He said well find out if Brandi is gonna call. When I called B she was naked and with bright eyes, so I bought a bottle of Malibu and picked them up. Jim came downstairs about 2 hours later, maybe a little less. We watched the football game and drank ghetto koolaid punch with Malibu. Everything was going great, although b was a little too revealing about her sex life with Scott. We started to listen to music and Brandi put a song on by Uncle Kracker. The one that says - "It don't matter the ring that you wear cause as long as noone knows than nobody can care. Your feeling guilty and I'm well aware but you don't look ashamed and baby I'm not scared" brandi choked on the words and I couldn't help but laugh. I thought I held it together pretty well but I think jim noticed. She thought she would be cute and tell jim how to do me. She also tried to boss me around, the funny things she is as much my bitch as I am hers. LOL. She told Jim - that's my wife.
Brandi whispered to me that her pussy was throbbing, when she did this she bent a little and pulled up her knee, which directed hit me in the crotch. It was an odd feeling. It was like I felt the energy from her to me. Weird. Anyway - When I got up to go to the bathroom at one point, I think Jim had gone upstairs to play by now Brandi and Scott were watching Nip/tuck and there was a discrepancy or a misunderstanding over the show - Scott was rewinding the program to prove something to her and when he did he threw the remote at her, tossed it into her lap. I don't know what she said or what she did but B blew it at precisely that moment. She must have said, fuck you and maybe she flew at him, he took off for the kitchen, I thought I heard him tell her he would call the cops and somehow they settled it and he came into the kitchen to brood and she was pouting on the couch.
Jim had requested double cheesburger and fries from wendys so I went out to get that and get brandi a pack of cigarettes. I thought if I could get scott alone he could vent, maybe I could help him understand her a little. But when I suggested that he come along as my bodyguard B came running out into the kitchen and putting on her sandals. So we all went along. It seems that B was trying to bully him to her side of the argument. I heard him say she needed to show him some respect. She apologized profusely and tried to use sex to make everything seem like it would pass, as if the pussy was so good he would put up with her. He wasn't buying her apology.
When they got in the car, her drunkass self told me I was right about what I had said earlier in the week. Meaning that he could break her heart.

She went into the back seat, was practically in his lap, kissing on him, then telling him he knows she did him good, daring him to say otherwise, suggesting that he doesn't know anything. He said he wasn't trying to hurt her, spiritually or emotionally. He was breaking up with her. She gets mean when people dis her, and I could hear her start to dis him. Previously I had had the music way up so I didn't have to hear them but then he insisted I drop him off. So I drove around to get closer to his neighborhood, not knowing where it was exactly, he didn't tell me to stop, I passed it. When I heard her getting mean I turned the music way down, thinking she couldn't be mean and nasty if she thought I could hear her. It wasn't long before he was telling me to pull over and nearly jumped out of my car. Of course, brandi starts freaking out, insisting I let her out. I thought it unwise. And refused. She screamed at me, I screamed at her, she cried, she sobbed, I reminded her that I had a grown man trying to jump out of my car and I didnt need to get a dui.
Then she decided to try and jump out when I wouldn't bring her back to him. I did turn around and we saw him but when I turned around he had disappeared. I saw him heading off into the woods, he saw me, he didn't want to see her. I knew that her begging with him drunk was not going to get him back. She said she knew where he was going and I let her out near his house, on the other side of the woods. She walked in and then out, while I got jims food. I went back and saw her walking so I picked her up. Hey lady you need a ride. I bought her a pack of cigarettes.
Brought her home all the while listening to her pitiful retorts of how it wasn't supposed to be this way, how she wasn't supposed to care, how she will never care again, never try again. I tried to tell her that there is a lesson to be learned. That there is a reason for this romance, this love. She needs to learn something now, that sensitive guys will not be bullied, harassed or degraded, She is quick to snap when she is sober. When she is drunk, watch out. He deserved more respect and he is on a higher level than her right now - spiritually.

Ok, so six months on the honey do list later, my dryer is defunct and leaning sickly forward. I ran to the store to get dog food, poor princy's was moldy and clothes pins so I can hang out the clothes in the wash lest they go moldy - again. they fell victim to the dryer needing to be run twice already.
At the store i picked up a blueberry pom and the dogfood. The girl that packed my bags got me a carriage but she forgot the clothespins. When I got back to the house, cars were circulating up and down the street like vultures looking to land. I just barely got my space. I asked jim to throw me his keys when i realized that i didn't have the clothes pins. I don't know why I have to fight with him about everything. He insisted i take my own car, then when i went upstairs to insist I have his keys so i can move his car, when he decides that he with move it himself and tells emily to watch the baby. Well, after this morning, I have a problem with that. SHe couldn't be trusted to grab C when she was falling down the stairs how can he even think of leaving her alone with her.

All day, when I ask emily why she didn't listen to me she gets that look, that shit eating grin on her face. SHe squeezes her face with both hands trying to hide that she is smiling. anyway. Have a headache now, have to go stir the veggies.

Then the baby fell down the stairs even though emily was right there, ignoring me as implored for her to take her sisters hand. Three times i asked emily to take her hand, before the baby fell. She tumbled side over side, she is luckyy she didnt break a bone. At the very bottom she smacked her head into a monitor, the back edge with the holes in it. She had a zipper shaped bruise because of those holes right on her forehead to the left of center. She has been teething all day so her mouth hurts as well. I asked her if she hurt, did she have pain. she pointed to jim and said dada. I asked her if she had a headache and she pointed at me, saying mama. I bet I do give her a headache. SOmetimes I find it so hard to be pleasant. A beep out front. dog barks.

Baaddd day so far

The day started off, jim coming in form work. He came into the bedroom, i was dozing. But i knew he was there. he felt that I wasn't asleep so he came and tickled my foot. I cursed him of course. He went into the other room to play Warcraft and for forty minutes I tried to get back to sleep when i had finally had enough and went in and turned the volume down. this was the first of three times I had to do that cause he would turn it up. need a drink will be back

I got creative with my garden today, dressing up the front and giving the plants a drink.
I need to find some baby mums and plant them up front. That would make it nice again, my pansies have finally withered away to nothing. Just about.

I took a walk with the girls in the wagon and now my good foot is protesting _ probably from picking up the slack. We walked all the way to the market which is about 2 miles each way. On the way back, as I was about to start up the hill, a newspaper lady drove by, and said - that's a workout. By the time I got up that hill doing deep lunges practically to keep going, the spider snuck up on me. I had to walk with my shirt pulled down the rest of the way. I fed the girls, played with them outside, watched sinbad with them, gave them chocolate pudding and then night night time. Cassie sang me a song. It was cute. Emily is reading in her bed and I am going to go read in mine. I am tired tonight, been up late alot lately. Have to spend the weekend cleaning the house so i need my rest. Supposedly Jim is gonna help me and that usually means he is tired of the mess. Well, maybe if i weren't constantly cleaning up someone else's mess.......

What is it called, when you take a risk to accomplish something
and get nothing in return?
Fruitless, reckless, or wanton?
Wanton abandon and selfish insatisfaction
After all is said and done,
not only have i risked it all but i have done
so with oh judgemental one
I should have known that
people don't change.
They only morph enough so that you think they have
then they show their true colors all the same

After an unbelievable wild goose chase around town trying to find a dr. who wasn't even in town, I wound up at an office where they had no appt for me but I insisted they had. Dr. g saw me and felt that my chest pain was muscular. I suppose it it possible to have muscular pain in the heart when working out and the weight of the ginormous ones is weighing ir down, putting pressure on the cardium; i suppose that could cause the heart muscles to protest. This could be rectified by a breast reduction. I hope it is offered to me. i don't mind paying twenty percent of the surgery. Maybe that was the reason i ended up at g's in such a roundabout way. I still have to reschedule with te other one cause his office is the only one around who will give me the shots. What a pain in the neck. Need to go to my old high school and get my records. So i can see what i need titers in.

Was very disgusted with B abandoning me for Bright eyes.

There is a demon on buffy the vampire slayer that looks like sbj. Who by the way is in florida visiting the ex michelle- finally taking my advice to see if there is anything left between them. It is about time. tired of listening to him whine about how he doesn't know what he wants and he doesn't want to take steps to figure it out. LOL, finally a step forward. I wonder if michelle #2 will be history - or maybe she is now. He is the opposite of my self only in sexuality and belief in faith(he has none) - But on some fronts the same. He settles, he is complacent, but he settles for too little. He says M2 didn't challenge him but he stayed with her for over two years.

Have to get ready to go run errands. Need to go to the bank and set up accts, among other things.

La anima Sola details 

La Anima Sola 

Payless shoestore box tops - Doesn't it feel good to pay less  

Eye see you 

Petrichor - the smell of rain.

Fresh, instant, indefinable
Pungent, plentiful, petrichor
water from the clouds
falling on earths floor
always reminds me of
a previous time when
the earth smelled fresh
new and yet ancient
all at once

My sister in law called to say she was going to be stopping by today with MIL. Nightmare forgot her vaccuum when she moved out in January and has forgotten it every time she has been here since then. So they finally remembered to take it to her new house. I also sent all the stuff they forgot when Barb dog sat for us in July.

She is very enamored of her grandchildren, especially the baby. Timmy has started calling her gigi cause both of the grandmothers are grammy. Barbara likes it alot. I was so glad Caaala - LOL boston accent - called to warn me. It gave me a chance to clean up. they were at plug pond. While I was cleaning house it started to rain. The earth smelled so fresh and healthy. I love that smell. Carla said there is a word for that. It escapes me now- a p word perma - something maybe. I am going to look it up - i have chicken baking and rice cooking. Later me

This is a picture of the Tattoo I want, only with a more pronounced ying yang 

Good morning me. B and bright, sexy eyes saw the title to this page last night. Scott questioned it. Thirty is nothing, thirtyone piece of cake, thirty two hey I almost am. So what. I am thirty. Big whoop. I remember when my dad was turning thirty. It was such a big deal. He felt old at 28. I wasn't around when my mother turned 30. She couldn't handle the stress.

Mini epiphany. My mother always hated her mother for being weak. Morally weak, emotionally weak, ethically weak- you name it.

This whole argument with my mother all stems back to her weaknesses. I go to school to be stronger than her. If my husband left me I wouldn't lay on the couch popping tranquilizers for ten 7 years, I wouldn't try to commit suicide; totally disregarding my three small children. I wouldn't have a nervous breakdown, I wouldn't devote my energy to a married man ignoring any possible prospects for a real relationship. I wouldn't ignore my middle child simply because he looked like his dad. I am not like her. How dare Kenny suggest that I wouldn't know what to do if Jim and I broke up. As if I didn't support myself for 8 years before we got married.
I could have gone on ignoring my issue with her, the way she had no time for us, always being on the phone, or in the bedroom with T, or talking to a friend, or watching tv, passed out on the couch, in a debilitating depression. I could have forgotten all about the fact that she put all her dramas on me. Told me stories no 8 year old should know, gave away her sentimental belongings to me when she was planning her suicide, giving us up to dad when she could no longer survive in the real world. If she had only not turned out to be such a judgemental bitch. Then siding with J during the summer of 2003 just because she and I were fighting. I am always sticking up for other people. I guess because I am the oldest (minus lewis). I was sticking up for C cause she called her a slut. She was 9. So I reminded her that people who have been messed with tend to be oversexed. Then she insisted I called her a slut. Funny how easlily she forgets. Then when the summer was over and we were talking again she blamed her involvement on being misled by J. But all the stuff he said she said, that ended up in the divorce papers came out of her mouth during our last big argument. So she said it all after all. SHe just doesn't want to take responsibility. As per usual. everything is always someone else's fault. If she didn't constantly think she could judge my parenting skills, telling me I didn't give Emily enough attention. After I spent my entire life loving timmy and protecting timmy because she couldn't. After all the years I never went to her cause I thought she would reject me the way she did him - how dare she critique my parenting. After all the times she wrecked my self esteem, after all the times I relive it watching her do it to cheyenne. How dare she judge my actions. The fact that she went to Kenny and made it seem like I wasmaking him out be some druggie and the shit that came out of his mouth when i called him two days later just proves that she is a backstabber. SHe never said a truer thing than the last thing she said to me- she tried to take it back but it was the truth....."You think you were so important to me, when you were three years old you weren't even a thought in my mind"

h

I am thinking that going on yahoo to chat is a bad idea. I get way to many takers. In a matter of minutes I had about 14 people iming me, plus bots and girls who think they can prove they have better tits. I never pay attention to them, as if I care. I know I am not the best chest in town so it is not like I am in competition.
I am waiting for Jim to come in. I made quesadillas for dinner. They were delicious. Onions,mushrooms and peppers with mexican cheese in a tortilla - you can't beat that.

Still fighting a sore throat. I guess you can't get rid of a cold completely by gargling. You just extend the wait time between the sore throat and the symptoms.
Time to stop typing too tired to type well.
Goodnight me

Brandi and I were talking and we figured out a way to combat the haters at the market. From now on when I feel some woman glaring at me - I am going to sing the country song - It's all right to be lil bitty - LOL
I can't wait to start ..........

I know i can be devious but I am so tired of the hating that goes on. It is simply unnecessary. I know i am not the prettiest girl around and i don't hate on other pretty girls, whether they be big or small chested.

I am not catty like that tho, I raise my daughters to be complimentary of other girls. Unlike my neighbor who thinks she is the only game in town and whose daughters have picked up on it. Her blond daughter acts like she is the only pretty one around just cause she is blond. I found it disheartening that my daughter at 5 years old has already picked up the message that blonds are prettier but thanks to catty bitch's kid - she has.

Anyway, I should stop talking about me and my problems now. I totally feel that I should stop focusing on my self but then what else is there? I will not be proactive about a cause - not anymore. Why? There is too much hate directed at people who speak out. I guess I have this thing where I want people to like me. When they don't it irks me. I shoul;d be working on not giving a shit if they like me or not. I was there once and will get back to it.

On another note, hubby is off at work. we got off on the wrong foot today cause for the second time this week, while i was sleeping he brought the baby upstairs and let her jump ontop of me. She slammed me right in the uterus for the second time. I do not like being woken up that way. Not too mention he had a coffee and didn't bring me one. He says, well you don't bring my coffee upstairs - At least I make it, he wouldn't want me to bring it upstairs at 8 am. He has to sleep late - it is apples and oranges. When i used to wake him up early, i brought his coffee up.
He complains that he likes it when the baby wakes him up. Well, sweet kisses is one thing.
Sometimes I just don't trust him . Later on- for some reason- he comes out with - "well, I don't scream at my kids" .
And? Your point? Oh i must be a bad mother right? cause i yell? Whatever J, go file a report on me then. Besides that is a lie. Number one, he doesn't parent enough to get to the point of yelling. Number 2, when he has had it with her, he goes from a level 2 of irritation - to a Giant roar of aggravation and scares the hell out of her. At least she knows my patterns. She knows what to expect out of me. Whatever. Distrust is the feedback he gets for the summer of 2003.

Sitting here with Brandi and Bright eyes. He is fine. He has a nice sense of humor too. He told me to look up the book Ponder on This by Alice Bailey and The Treasury of Spiritual Wisdom.

Is this outfit really a cause to get so many dirty looks? 

I am in the moment where I feel like nothing more than an incompetent housewife. Part of me thinks I am getting my nursing degree just so I can be good at something. I just got back from the supermarket and I got dirty looks from just about every woman in there. I am going to take a pic of my outfit just to see if it looks trampt to me. I was thrilled I could wear it. I bought these great white summer pants last summer - post baby bu about 7 weeks. There was no way i was fitting in them and it discouraged me. Now they fit, nicely I might add. I paired them with a top that would cover my belly, but that also is a tank top so it shows tons of boobage. Which I happen to like. I shouldn't be surprised. I guess it has something to do with making the guys drool that the other females don't like. But lots of other women wear tank tops and don't get the same reaction so why should i ?

Well, my computer didn't blow up so i am thinking it is ok. It just figures that Jim's idea to set emily straight not only trumps the strike but leaves me doing the work. I can't say that my idea was working though. Emily had been sneaking food and playing me for a fool.

I should be studying but I am watching tv- In The Name of Love : Texas Tragedy. Brandi came by last night, needing her Yahoo fix and a cable tv fix. LOL, She is welcome to keep me company any day.
Anywho. This computer keyboard does seem to be sticking a bit. I hope it will stop as it dries, I certainly don't think the water got underneath the keyboard. It would probably be burnt already if water is there. Later, me

Today we cleaned out Emily's room of everything that was on her floor. SHe just spilled water on my keyboard so i have to go .

my curls 

The princess room 

I decorated this dresser 

Emily's room when it is clean 

Cassidy 17mos (right now) 

Emily age 5 

Emily - age 3  

Slathered didi's bum with balmex to try to avoid the spaghetti and meat sauce rash. She is just like her sister in that respect. Sensitive to acidic foods.

Emily strike - day 6.

She slept on a tiny corner of her bed last night, the rest of it covered in toys. Her sheet had popped off and so did her rubber sheet but she didn't care. She watched me and didi share a banana today. I know she wanted some. LOL Every time I ask her to clean her messy room she insists "I like this cereal diet". Ok then, onward and upward.

On that note, we need another box of multigrain cheerios. What other delicious meal can i make that would make her mouth water?
Maybe Lasagne a la Medora. mmmm

Well me, i guess you should go study or something, anything to take your mind off of your cramps. I need a shot of Anissette.

Cassie's curls 

My goal for today is to wash the rug of the minivan, do my swim, clean up the house, cook a meal, clean up stitchie's bird seed and feathers......I know there is more. Oh, of course study Anatomy and Physiology.

Cassidy has one curly hair sticking straight up from the top of her head. It is so cute, most of her curls are down by her neckline so I was surprised to see it. It is a good thing though. I am glad at least one of my kids got my curls.

Aye aye aye, another stinky diaper........

Woman falls from rafters at Stones concert and breaks both ankles and a wrist! She fell forty feet. What a dingaling. She is in for a long recovery. I know how hard it was with one broken tib/fib - ankle dislocation. It was horrible, surgery, sleep tremors, inability to put foot flat on floor. All I was doing was walking downstairs, well and carrying three boxes of Christmas decorations to the basement - in late May. That was a lesson in control. Cassidy was eight weeks old so it was an interesting summer.

Woke up to the sounds of Jim walking the baby upstairs and then letting her jump on me at 8 am. He never came to bed. At 2am, he was still playing Warcraft. He then went for a snack and watched football the rest of the night with a little dozing thrown in. Now he is in bed where he will likely sleep til noon. Then he will wake up and go to work, driving a semi - semi local.

To me, that is a clear choice to choose spendingtime with his computer over his family. Have to go change punkadidi's diaper.

nothing

Me on the edge of thirty 

The Indestructable Clan 

Say Goodbye, Stitchie! I will not miss you when dawn rises tomorrow, songbird.
I was actually up at 6:30 am this morning. It was a beautiful Sunday morning, cool and comfortable in the marshmallow cloud bed Jim just had to buy. I was dreaming that someone had dropped a spider on me and it fell in my lap. It was the imaginary waterfall needed to get up and go to the bathroom. How weird now when I realize this because I needed to go to the ladies room to avoid ruining my sheets (not from pee) that it was represented by a spider. Scary, hairy, creepy crawly spiders. I don't like to have spiders in my house but I also don't like to kill them .

Jim was watching SNL on the couch when I walked back through the air conditioned living room to go back to my more comfortable spot in the attic bedroom. I wasn't hot at all, felt that Jim was a wuss for insisting on sleeping on the couch. I even had covers on me. He says I flipped him off on the way back through the living room. He was trying to get me to watch the show with him. Being rude didn't even cross my mind but I was trying to get back to bed without opening my eyes so I could go back to my dream. I was trying to get back to that oh so comfortable feeling the spider interrupted.

After trying to fall asleep for about an hour I did actually manage to get a couple of hours in. When I woke up I did something I haven't done since I was a teenager. I picked up a book so I wouldn't have to get out bed. I never have that feeling anymore - of waking up and wanting to read. Maybe it is because I never read for pleasure any more. I was looking for My book by Watts - the title escapes me now- The Book: On The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are. Pantheon, New York, 1966 - When I couldn't find that I grabbed a thrift store copy of My Antonia by Willa Cather. I guess it got my attention.

Watts - The month I read Watts in 2003 is the month my mother says she "noticed a difference in me". Apparently it is a difference she doesn't like cause we haven't spoken in three months.
Personally, I liked the change Watts brought about in me. That was the Honors Course I took called "The Good Life". Basically how to find your good life. Sometimes I wonder why my mother has such a problem with me living my good life but she does. I have to choose not to dwell on it or I would totally try to convert her. That would mean speaking to her and I swore in June I would never give her any ammunition to use against me or use to talk shit with my youngest brother again. Besides, I tried to put it behind us for the sake of the grandkids and she isn't interested.

My good life includes above all doing what is best for my kids. Right now that means giving them a family life and keeping it stable.

I helped Brandi move upstairs to the third floor apartment. Her latest boytoy looks alot like an old flirt of mine. In the eyes. He has the brooding look about him that makes you think he is mad about something. He was annoyed for part of the day cause his friends wouldn't come help him move some of her stuff. They gave him the third degree as if he needed to justify why he was helping her. He is helping her cause she needs and it he can see that. I did the same thing in May, helping her to move everything I could from across town (she used to be my next door neighbor). All the crap that happened to her after that kind of stems form the fact the no one would help us move the big stuff so she had to ask her ex. Kinda sux that he spent his last free weekend for a year busting his hump moving but his choice. He chose to beat her up three days later and would have killed her had the cops not shown up when they did. After that, her house got robbed multiple times from her ghetto neighbors. She spent the next three months at my house. Basically. Now she is on the third floor and Ghetto crackheads are getting evicted.
I miss the selfish bitch. I am glad she is getting her shit together though. I helped boytoy carry some of her furniture up the stairs.

All summer, she crashed on my couch, ate my food, vacationed with us, messed up my house. I put up with her bird waking me up every morning -lol- Stitchie is already back at her house-
her depression, her dramas, and now her mother - Loreen - says I am not to be around Jason or she won't let Jason be around Brandi. That bitch don't know nothing about me and has the nerve to judge me. She thinks that I am a pill popper cause of the company I keep. Sorry to disappoint.
She has no clue how much her "daughter" needed me when she refused to give her the time of day. I showed up at B's and she came out and asked me to come back, that Loreen was coming.
She can't see me there. My feelings were hurt and I initially said I wasn't coming back. She came down to the car and explained the situation and I know L holds Jason over her head. I know Brandi needs to hold it together so she can get her kid back. Just pisses me off, If her kid didn't crash on my couch and have me to hold her hand she might be on the streets addicted to god only knows what with nothing to her name. Brandi said - I love you - me smirking - "I love you too " LOL , she knows we girls for life.
Still, Loreen sux.

Jim is upstairs playing Warcraft. He has been up there since 7 pm. It is now After midnight. Too funny. He is up there sweating in the heat to play that game. Yesterday he spent one hour with us from 10 am - 11 am - then he played warcraft til 6pm. It is so ridiculous to me that he spends so much time playing a game with people he doesn't know and will never meet.
He was supposed to work this weekend. The truck needed to go to Oneonta. Usually it is a Saturday run but he goes when he wants. When he got to the shop today the trailer was gone. I have a bad feeling about this. I told him he should call in to his superiors but ............
Whatever - he won't listen . Hopefully he still has a job tomorrow. I think they are trying to get rid of him. Ever since he left when his truck wasn't ready a few weeks ago. Now his truck is never ready, LOL. They sent him for a bloodtest the next day. LOL - he passed, suckers. I guess time will tell.

My husband has been addicted to that damn computer for about two years. I mark addiction as the time when he started to choose that damn game over time with me. Specifically, when I waited for him to come to bed tile 2am, 4am, 6am..... When he promised to spend time with me - who am I kidding - fuck me - LOL - so in my opinion addiction is addiction when you chose it over sex.

I know a couple of folks who choose pills - oh shit - have to take my bc pill - k - first time on the pill in years. Tried to get on the patch cause I can't remember to take the pill. LOL Friggin company insurance wouldn't cover it and it is too much of a pain to get it covered through appeals. They want Jim to have tons of kids so he has to bust his ass for them forever. Or so it seems. JK

Big and Rich - save a horse _RIDE a cowboy is on - Love this song, must dance.
Well that got the heartrate up. Add that to the furniture lifting and the evening swim I took.
Maybe I will get in a smaller size before school starts after all. I need to do more. There was an infomercial that caught my eye - mostly cause of the name YOGA BOOTY BALLET. I would have ordered it if it wasn't 40 bucks - well, and Jim said hell no from the kitchen.

So this is my first attempt at blogging. I think at least this way I don't have to worry about someone finding my journal and reading it. Til then